careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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