I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
