are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
