I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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