The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
