We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
