she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
