And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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