What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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