Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just had sex bonerless
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
