I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This is the high leading the old right now
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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