If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
