I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize