You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
