Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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