sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
