the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize