so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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