I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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