There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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