May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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