ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
