I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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