Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
