Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
