new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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