census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
