I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
