I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
