I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
