I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
