I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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