my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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