Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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