I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
