whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
