I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
