Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
