she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
