from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
