Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
