Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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