I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
