No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
