just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize