I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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