My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
