We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
