I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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