How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
