I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
