he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
