Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
