hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i think i just naturally attract stoners
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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