***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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