dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize