The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
