I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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