when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
