i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
