I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
