i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
