so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
