Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
