We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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