'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
